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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025627">The Roots Grow Deep</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess0fMirkwood/pseuds/Princess0fMirkwood'>Princess0fMirkwood</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Outer Banks (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Child Abuse, Descent into Madness, Get him help, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I cried while writing this, It isn't consensual, Mental Health Issues, Parent/Child Incest, Sadness, Statutory Rape, Suicidal Thoughts, ward is an asshole</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:14:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess0fMirkwood/pseuds/Princess0fMirkwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a reason for everything. There is a reason why people love, why people hate. There is a reason why people laugh, why people cry. There is a reason why a person would kill someone to save their father, to make their father see them. There is a reason why a person would try to please someone, but go about it wrong in every way because all that they know is corruption of things that are good. There is a reason for everything. </p><p>Rafe Cameron was crazy. </p><p>Everything was his fault.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Roots Grow Deep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>THIS IS NOT JUSTIFYING RAFE'S ACTIONS IN ANY WAY! This is just a way of possibly understanding why he did them. While I was watching the show, I noticed that Rafe had many of the signs and symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, which can be caused by sexual abuse and trauma. I do not believe that Rafe should be in prison, I believe that he should be in some Mental Health Facility where he can't hurt anyone else or himself. </p><p>I hope this tells people just how much I despise Ward Cameron. </p><p>*TW Suicidal Thoughts*</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Borderline Personality Disorder: A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.
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</p><p>Signs &amp; Symptoms<br/>
-An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection<br/>
-Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours<br/>
-Difficulty trusting, which is sometimes accompanied by irrational fear of other people’s intentions<br/>
-Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection<br/>
-Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship<br/>
-Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights
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</p><p>There are people who enjoy inflicting pain, and there are those who don’t. People who don’t like it are usually considered normal, and people who do are considered insane, dangerous, murderous, psychopaths. These are not lies, but, those who do usually have a reason. </p><p>	Insane? Or in need. Dangerous? Or damaged. Murderous? Or mistreated. Psychopathic? Or broken. A few of those should not really be used in this situation, but shall be used anyhow to prove a point. Normally, tendencies like these are caused by some form of trauma, usually from the person in question’s childhood. </p><p>	Rafe Cameron was crazy...by modern standards. Well, any standards. Nothing can be said or done to forgive anything that he has done. BUT. There are things that can be said and done to understand why he did them . He was crazy, but prison was not the right place for him. The right place for him was in a white room with padded walls, alone, taking medications at prescribed times throughout the day and talking about what he felt to a group of people while wearing a straight jacket and being watched over by people in light blue or white scrubs. </p><p>	There is a reason for everything. There is a reason why people love, why people hate. There is a reason why people laugh, why people cry. There is a reason why a person would kill someone to save their father, to make their father see them. There is a reason why a person would try to please someone, but go about it wrong in every way because all that they know is corruption of things that are good. There is a reason for everything. </p><p>Rafe Cameron was crazy. </p><p>Everything was his fault. </p><p>__________________*.*.*__________________</p><p>	Rafe Cameron was seven years old, his sister Sarah was five years old, and their sister Wheezie was two, just a baby. Their mother had just left, without saying goodbye. She was there one day and gone the next, their dad, Ward, had told Rafe that she had wanted to leave for a while, and that she hated him, but Rafe knew that that wasn’t true, well, at least he used to. </p><p>	Throughout the next year, Ward would bring his friends over all of the time. They were usually ladies wearing tight dresses and heels with bright lipstick and blonde hair. Sometimes Ward would call Rafe into his bedroom when the ladies were over. He would tell him that “this was his fault,” he would tell him that “his mother left because of him, because he was a piece of shit.” And he would force Rafe to sit in the corner and watch as he fucked those ladies. Then they would leave, and Ward would make Rafe walk up to him and apologize for making his mother leave. Then Rafe would go into his bedroom and cry, and Sarah would run in and ask if he was okay, and he would yell at her that he was fine and push her out. Rafe would never complain when he had to watch, it was the only way to make his father forgive him for driving his mother away. </p><p>	When Rafe was eight, Ward started bringing his other friends over more often. They would sit in the front room or in Ward’s office. They would spend their time drinking and laughing and making fun of the women that they saw every day on the island. Rafe would hear his name called by his father or some other man, and he would run to the room where he knew they were, he had to be punctual, or his father would hate him even more. When he would run in, his father would tell him to take off his shirt and pants and go sit in front of his friend. Then his father would leave the room and tell him to be good and do whatever the man said. Ward would threaten leaving just like Rafe’s mother did, and it would be his fault too. Rafe didn’t want his dad to stop seeing him and leave him and his sisters, so he always did what he was told. His dad’s friends would make him take off any other clothing he was wearing and stand in the corner as they took pictures. Rafe didn’t know what the pictures were for, but he never asked, he wasn’t supposed to talk unless they asked him to. The men would make him lay down on his stomach on the bed and they would touch him in places that he only ever touched in the bathroom. </p><p>	When the men were done they would tell him to go take a shower to clean up. He didn’t know why, but Rafe knew that he felt gross afterwards, but if that was what he had to do to make his father love him, then he would do it. Sarah would run into his room and ask him why he didn’t watch the movie with them, or why he didn’t go out fishing, and he would tell her that he felt sick and wanted to sleep. She always believed him. Rafe would then crawl into his own bed and curl up, wondering why his father wanted him to do these things. He wouldn’t cry, because if he cried, his father would find out and hate him even more than he already did. </p><p>	Throughout the next year or so, Rafe would do this almost every other day, more if his dad asked him to. Then Ward got remarried and his friend’s visits slowed to only once a week. Ward started having more parties though, and all of his friends would come, not just one. Sarah and Wheezie went to their friend’s houses, but Rafe had to stay at the house and entertain the party guests while his dad drank until he couldn’t remember who Rafe was at the end of the night. Rafe remembered one of his dad’s friends in particular, he had tried something different. Rafe was eleven. His dad told him to go into his own bedroom and to do exactly what he was told, so he did. He went to his room, and saw a man sitting in the chair next to his bed, where his mom used to sit and read to him to help him fall asleep. The man had told him to take off all of his clothes and stand in front of him. Rafe felt clammy rough hands all over his body as he stood there silently. He tensed slightly but the man slapped him and told him to relax or he would tell Ward that Rafe was bad. The man told him to sit on his lap, so Rafe did. It hurt. It hurt a lot, but Rafe didn’t cry, he couldn’t cry, or his dad would stop loving him. The man had finished, and he told Rafe to clean up the mess and take a shower. Then he left. The chair was covered in sweat, and Rafe could see that there was blood as well, blood that he also felt trickle down his legs. He cleaned it up without a complaint, and got in the shower. When he got back to his room he saw his father standing there, arms crossed. He told him to get dressed and come back downstairs because his other friends were waiting. Rafe started getting dressed when his father said that he needed to do better next time. He thought about why he was still living if he could never do anything right.</p><p>	Sarah always asked him how the grown up parties were. And he always said that they were okay and told her to leave him alone. He never told Sarah what happened. And his father never let anything happen to her like he encouraged on Rafe. Sarah was perfect. </p><p>	Rafe was thirteen when his dad finally noticed him. He had been playing with Sarah’s friend, Topper, and they had accidentally broken a few windows with the baseball they had been throwing. Ward walked outside angrily and asked what happened, Rafe told him it was his fault and told Topper to go home. His father told him to go upstairs to his room, so he did. He sat on his bed and waited. When his dad came in all he could hear was “worthless” and “trash” and “good for nothing” before his dad slapped him. He didn’t cry, he wasn’t supposed to. His dad told him to get on his knees. Rafe didn’t like it, he didn’t like it at all, but he had to, he had to make sure his dad forgave him for everything he had ever done wrong. </p><p>	Rafe was fifteen when one of his dad’s friends brought the white powder to one of the parties. He had been told by the other attendees that it was called “cocaine.” One of the men made him lay on his bed and poured the powder onto his stomach and sniffed it up into his nose. Then he asked Rafe if he wanted to try. Rafe wasn’t allowed to say no. He started doing that at every party. Then he started doing it by himself. He would often contemplate taking so much that he would fall asleep and never wake up. </p><p>	Rafe was sixteen when he stole money from his dad for the first time to buy. He got caught. His dad slapped him and made him go to his room and get on his knees again. Then he made Rafe lay down on his bed like his friends would. It hurt. Rafe had to clean up the blood afterwards. Ward told him that he was never going to be anything. He was never going to be better than his sister. His father was never going to love him. Whenever Rafe walked through the kitchen or near any of his father’s fishing gear, he thought about how easy it would be to get rid of himself. </p><p>	Nothing happened from that moment until Rafe graduated. Nothing. His father didn’t talk to him, he didn’t bring his friends over. He didn’t touch him. He didn’t make him do anything. He didn’t notice him, ever. His friends still did. Whenever Rafe would go outside on a walk with Topper and Kelce or go golfing or swimming, he saw Ward’s friends everywhere. They would give him money if he did the things that he used to. He saw that some of them still had the picture of him from when he was little. </p><p>	Rafe had proven his father wrong, he had graduated. He was going to college. He was eighteen and could make his own decisions. He was about to leave for school when his father told him that he didn’t think that he would last without him. That he wouldn’t be able to handle it. His father told him to go to his room one more time. He did. His father didn’t even have to ask this time, Rafe just knew what to do. His father left the room, telling him how he would be back to beg for forgiveness. Rafe cleaned up the mess like he had done a hundred times. He took a shower to wash the blood off like he had done a hundred times. He got redressed and walked down the stairs silently like he had done a hundred times. He got in his car and started to drive. He told himself that he would never let anyone do or say anything that would remind him of what used to happen in that house. He would never let his father think he was weak, or incapable, ever, again. He would prove to him, that he was worth it. Rafe pulled his car over to the curb and clenched the steering wheel. He stared out into the blue sky of the Banks. 

</p><p> He screamed. </p><p> Then Rafe did something that he hadn’t let himself do since his mother left. </p><p>He cried.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is pretty intense. Yeah, I know. I truly believe that he was made this way, and that he has a problem that can be helped. I kept noticing how much his behavior reminded me of BPD that I decided to write a plausible past for Rafe.</p><p>In conclusion, Ward Cameron deserves to rot in prison.</p><p>Comments appreciated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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